Well the feelings of Isolation are showing back up. I just been feeling more and more islotaed lately. and of all places my home is where i feel the most isolated. I feel like i am not supposed to be in anywhere but my room. and thats where i usually stay if someone else is in the house. Any time i am in the living room and michael comes home, its always awkward, cause he will walk through and go into his room and shut the door and not come out until i leave the living room. I feel like i annoy everyone in the house. and then i will get onto facebook and see these pictures of things that michael and his boyfriend and scott and his girlfriend did together, and its not a big deal that i am not invited, but over and over again? I just start to get sad when i hear all these stories about all the fun things they do and i am never invited to go along. I hide in my room because i feel like i am the third wheel most of the time and i just annoy them with my presence. i can tell they feel that i am still a child and that they need to treat me as such. Its starting to come to the point that i dont really want to live here any more. It hurts to much to feel like you dont belong in your on home.
And its not just in my house, its just generally in my life. I am one of those people that no body remembers to invite to anything, that or wants to invite me to anything. I have maybe two friends who invite me to do anything. And isnt a friend someone who you want to spend time with, to hang out with and doing things? I am so sick of having to invite myself to things or being asked last second because they didnt realize i was in the house and then they feel like they have to because they dont want to hurt my feelings. It just gets so lonely, and i dont know what it is about me, i am just a fall back guy, "the guy you go to when you cant find absolutely anyone else, but you still want to do something so lets call joe" kind of guy. If i could, i would change my personality so that i could be calmer, more mature, and less annoying. So that i could be someone that people wanted to call and ask to hang out with. But sadly i'm not. I don't have friends any more, i have people who care about me, but i dont have friends. and i think i am just going to sit in my isolation until something happens, whatever that may be.
