Seasonal Depression

So i have come to the conclusion that i dont like that i have seasonal depression. Lol obviously that is a no brainer. But the weirdest thing is that it hits me worst at night. when there isnt any sun for it to effect me. Its effecting me tonight, but not as strong as it usually does. Just enough to make me feel a little lonely. and tonight i can think about what is really at the basis of my depression. It all comes down to the fact that i feel so alone. I dont have a deep conection with anyone i know. Not anyone in my family, not any of my friends, i dont even have animals i can have a connection with. and i kind of brought it on my self in some ways. i mean from the time i was in kindergarten, i got made fun of, and i guess i just stop making connections with people so that i could keep myself closed off emotionally. I didnt want to get hurt so i closed myself off. and i have just been doing it for so long that i dont know how to stop doing it. I think the last person i opened up to was my ex Kenn, in new york. That was three years ago. I just dont have anyone i can turn to any more when i get emotional and sad. No one i can just talk with. So i guess thats why i have turned to this, in an attempt that i can fight off some of the lonelyness so that it doesnt take over my life. So this is my release, my one form of self pity that i will allow.